- Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes.
- Patient: And how much will it cost?
- Dentist: It's $90.00.
- Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
- Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
- Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
- Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
- Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
- Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?
→ One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.
Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife:
- That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver.
Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said:
- Sorry Sam, it's for after.
A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks:
- Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says:
- Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads.
A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says:
- Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'.
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies:
- In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'.
- Andy: Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row.
- Doctor: Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible.
- Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end.
Where do tired linedancers go for Breakfast?
→ Ihop
