Newest jokes

- You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.

- Oh, Mum. I promise I'll lay on my side.

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?
→ Cot-on-wool.

Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
→ She spent the night popping out of bed.

- I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.

- Did you have a big role?

- No, just toast and marmalade.

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?
→ He wrote sheet music.

When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep.
Why was that?
→ She had taken the bed.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

- I've just bought a pig - said the first.

- But where will you keep it? - said the second.

- Your yard's much too small for a pig!

- I'm going to keep it under my bed - replied his friend.

- But what about the smell?

- He'll soon get used to that.

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.

- What's wrong? - asked his mother.

- Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? - he sobbed.

- In a way they do - said his mother.

- And when they die so they turn back to dust?

- Yes, they do.

The little boy began to cry again:

- Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going.

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.