Newest jokes

And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

Did you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?

- Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?

- Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

- Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?

- Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.

Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he'd seen himself before?

- Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!

- Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?

- Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine!

What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape?
→ A retarded ape.

Why don't Purdue athletes eat pickles?
→ They can't get their heads in the jar.

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?
→ He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch.

A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man.

- So you buried all the politicians? - asked the police officer.

- Were they all dead?

The farmer answered:

- Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie.