Newest jokes

What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
→ Terrorists have sympathizers.

Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
→ Both are offensive and inaccurate.

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
→ Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
→ It is usually still in the case.

What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
→ A viola burns longer.

How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
→ Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.

How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
→ Sit in the back and don't play.

How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
→ The bow is moving.

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.

The chief of police comes over to him and tells him:

- While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down.

The violist replied:

- You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.

- Help! - cried the cellist

- I can't swim!

- Don't worry - said the violist

- just fake it.