Newest jokes

- It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.

- Yes, but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it.

How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
→ When the other tenors notice.

What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
→ About 10 pounds.

What is the missing link between the bass and the ape?
→ The baritone.

How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
→ He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

- Haven't I seen your face before? - a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

- You have, Your Honor - the man answered hopefully

- I gave your son violin lessons last winter.

- Ah, yes - recalled the judge

- Twenty years!

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.

He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.

Abe says:

- I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?

Max replies:

- Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!

Abe says:

- So what's the bad news?

Max replies:

- Well, you're booked to play the solo!

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.

- There's not much room on this page - he said

- What shall I write?

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint:

- Write your repertoire.

Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?
→ Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

Why don't violists play hide and seek?
→ Because no one will look for them.