A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
- I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family - said the man.
- To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.
The son-in-law interrupted:
- I hate factories. I can't stand the noise.
- I see - replied the father-in-law.
- Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.
- I hate office work - said the son-on-law.
- I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day.
- Wait a minute - said the father-in-law.
- I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?
- Easy - said the young man.
- Buy me out!!!
Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
→ NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
→ After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
- Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market - said the man.
- Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically - remarked his friend.
- I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me.
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man.
- What are you doing - he shouted.
To which his wife said to her lover:
- See, I told you he was stupid
- Was your wife a virgin when you married?
- I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said:
- Your wife's mind has completely gone!
To which the man replied:
- I'm not surprised.
- She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!
Six stages of married life:
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says:
- When did you start wearing them?
To which the other man replies:
- Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.
