Newest jokes

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug smuggling?
→ It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack....

What sexual position makes an ugly baby?
→ Ask your mom!

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
→ One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.

The huge guy behind the counter bellows:

- ONE BURGER!

The cook, who's even bigger, screams:

- BUR-GER!

Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.

The old lady says:

- That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!

The counterman says:

- Yeah? You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts!

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
→ They taste funny.

What is old, wrinkled, and hangs out your underwear?
→ Your Mother...

How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?
→ Wave at him.

What's sicker than sick?
→ Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
→ A quadraplegic in a house fire.