Newest jokes

Did you hear about the dyslectic agnostic with insomnia?
→ He used to lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
→ It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What was the First Commandment?
→ "Adam, eat my pussy."

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
→ A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.

"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.

Jesus stepped in front of her and said:

- Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.

From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said:

- You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off.

What do you call a nun riding piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame?
→ Virgin on the ridiculous.

What do you give the paedophile who has everything?
→ Another parish

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said:

- Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?

The hooker replied:

- Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's "really" original, it'll cost you an extra $20.

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice:

- Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?

- Why reverend - the young thing replied.

- All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts.

- Hmm. Well let me check - said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits.

After several minutes, he raised his head and said:

- I don't hear any angels singing!

- Of course not reverend - she said.

- Your not plugged in yet.