Newest jokes

What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.

- Doctor: How did this happen?

- Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

She walked into his office and said:

- Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.

- I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me.

- Can you help me accept my ugliness?

- I'm sure I can, - the psychiatrist replied.

- Just go over and lie face down on that couch.

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

Sobel goes into the optometrist's office.

He opens the door and says to the receptionist:

- I think I need my eyes checked.

She says:

- You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room.

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life?

She was told that it was.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued:

- I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office.

- You know, Doc, - he said.

- I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.

- And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions, - the medic said.

- Hell, no, - the old fellow replied.

- I want to borrow your Lamborghini.

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says:

- Doc, I'm constipated.

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says:

- Lean over the table.

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says:

- Doc, I feel great. What should I do?

The doctor says:

- Stop wiping with cement bags.

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.

When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said.

As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.

Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.

- So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?

- Well, - said the doctor.

- my wife is right, a beard would suit me.