A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast. Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot.
However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm.
- Why did you do that? - the soldier was asked by his superior officer.
- I know where he lives - he replied, and he wouldn't have made it.
An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:
- How large is the population here?
- Around 1.5 billion - the guide answers.
American, after a short pause:
- So, what else do you do here?
A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.
He stops, bangs on the window and says:
- So, what does this cost ??!!.
And the hooker replies:
- 25 dollars !!.
And the Pollock said:
- Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows !!.
An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, "'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!"
What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
→ A leisure centre.
This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.....
- Mate - the aussie said.
- Over there we shear them
The kiwi replied:
- Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply:
- For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!
At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was:
- Just plant your potatoes.
How do you play Iraqi bingo?
→ F18... B52... F18
What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?
→ A pimp
A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.
- Reporter: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?
- Scotsman: Certainly...
- Reporter: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
- Scotsman: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....
