Newest jokes

What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
→ Sir!

What can an elephant with a machine gun call you?
→ Anything he likes!

What do you call an elephant that's small and pink?
→ A failure!

What is stronger an elephant or a snail?
→ A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk!

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
→ Plenty of room!

Tarzan was tired when he came home.

- What have you been doing - asked Jane.

- Chasing a herd of elephants on vines

- Really? - said Jane - I thought elephants stayed on the ground!

What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
→ You would miss most of the film!

What steps would you take if you were being chased by an elephant?
→ Big ones!

What do you find in an elephants graveyard?
→ Elephantoms!

Why do elephants have wrinkly ankes?
→ Because their shoes are too tight!

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
→ Because of all the cheetahs!

What do you call a elephant that never washes?
→ A smellyphant!

- Teacher: Where would you find an elephant?

- Pupil: You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!

What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
→ Anything you want as he can't hear you!

- Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?

- Pupil: I don't know, nobody I know owns one!

How do you spell elephant?

- E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t

- That's not how the dictionary spells it

- You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!

- Teacher: Name six wild animals

- Pupil: Four elephants and two lions!

What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
→ Annette!

- Bill: My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant.

- Bert: Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder..

Why do elephants do well in school?
→ Because they have a lot of grey matter!

How do you hire an elephant?
→ Stand it on four bricks!

What is the easy way to get a wild elephant?
→ Get a tame one and annoy it!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
→ Here come the elephants!

Why is an elephant braver than a hen?
→ Because the elephant isn't chicken!

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Raining elephants!

How are elephants and hippopotanuses alike?
→ Neither can play basketball!

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?
→ Take away it's credit cards!

What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed?
→ Out of the way!

How do you raise a baby elephant?
→ With a fork lift truck!

What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
→ On television!

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?
→ An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old?
→ Six weeks old!

What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
→ This is the end of me!

- Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.

- Zoo Keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!

Why do the elephants have short tails?
→ Because they can't remember long stories!

How to you keep an elephant in suspense?
→ I'll tell you tomorrow!

- Dad, Mum is fighting with an enormous elephant in the garden!

- Don't worry dear, I'm sure the elephant can look after itself!

- My elephants got no trunk?

- How does it smell?

- Terrible!

What do elephants sing at christmas?
→ Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...

Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
→ Elephanta Claus!

Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet?
→ He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!

Why do elephants eat raw food?
→ Because they don't know how to cook!

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
→ For light refreshment!

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
→ You get very lumpy ice cream!

What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
→ Cold ones!

How do you fit five elephants into a car?
→ Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!

How does an elephant get out of a small car?
→ The same way that he got in!

Why do elephants have trunks?
→ Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!

What's the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather?
→ One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!

What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?
→ I don't know!
→ Well I'm not asking you to post my letters!

What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?
→ One rarely bites and the other barely writes!

How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?
→ Try picking them up!

What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
→ You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!

What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
→ Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?

What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
→ About 3,000 miles!

What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry?
→ A gooseberry is green!

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
→ So he could hide in the cherry tree!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
→ Big holes all over Australia!

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
→ One is a weak one and the other one week!

What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
→ Trunkquilizers!

Why are elephants grey?
→ So you can tell them from flamingos!

- Elephant Keeper: My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?

- Zoo Keeper: No, all the doctors I know are people!

Why do elephants scratch themselves?
→ Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!

How does an elephant get down from a tree?
→ He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
→ Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
→ Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
→ The tusk fairy!

What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
→ An elephant with spare parts!

What's grey but turns red?
→ An embarrassed elephant!

What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
→ Cinderelephant!

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
→ When it's a baby elephant!

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
→ When your nose touches the ceiling!

What do you call an elephant that flies?
→ A jumbo jet!

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
→ Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What's grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?
→ An elephant on a trampoline!

What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
→ An elephant with hiccups!

What's grey and goes round and round?
→ An elephant in a washing machine!

What's grey and highly dangerous?
→ An elephant with a machine gun!

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?
→ The Loch Ness Elephant!

What's big and grey and has 16 wheels?
→ An elephant on roller skates!

What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?
→ An elephant in a lift!

What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
→ An elephant's shadow!

What's big and grey with horns?
→ An elephant marching band!

What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
→ An elephant disguised as a banana!

What's big, grey and flies straight up?
→ An elecopter!

What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
→ A get wellephant!

What's grey and never needs ironing?
→ A drip dry elephant!

What's big and grey and red?
→ A sunburnt elephant!

What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?
→ "Pack your trunk and clear out!"

How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
→ Take all the matches out first!

What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
→ An elephant holding its breath!