Newest jokes

Ok, so a man walks into a bar in Denver and goes to the bartender:

- Give me ANYTHING BUT Coors!!

And the bartender is like:

- Dude, this is Colorado, we ONLY sell Coors here!

And the man is like:

- But I have to drink something OTHER than Coors!! See, last night I drank a case of Coors, and I blew chunks!!

And the bartender says:

- Man, anyone who drank a case of ANY BEER would blow chunks!!

And the man replies:

- No, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ What's a light bulb?

How do you spell relief?
→ F A R T

Hit Television Shows in Iraq:

- "Husseinfeld"

- "Mad About Everything"

- "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

- "Suddenly Sanctions"

- "Allah McBeal"

- "Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"

- "Matima Loves Chachi"

- "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

- "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

- "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

- "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

- "Achmed's Creek"

- "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"

- M*U*S*T*A*S*H

- "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

- "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"

- "When Kurds Attack"

- "Just Shoot Me"

- "My Two Baghdads"

- "Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"

- "Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"

- "Totally Clothed Baywatch"

What did the hurricane say to the coconut?
→ Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a blow job!

What's the difference between a duck?
→ One of it's legs is both the same. (just say it to confuse people)

Why God Doesn't Have a PhD:

1. He has only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
17. He's been known to associate with prostitutes.

A blonde dies and goes to the pearly gates of heaven to meet Saint Peter...

He first tells her that the only way she can get through the gate is to pass a quite simple test.

- What is The Son Of God's name? - he asks.

She thinks for a minute, rubbing her chin in deep thought.

- Andy! - she bursts out with a gleaming smile.

- No, I'm sorry that is incorrect, what made you say that? - he asks.

She starts singing...

- Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, andy tells me...

This Zen Buddhist Monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vender:

- Give me one with everything.

So the vender makes him a hotdog with everything, hands it to the Buddhist Monk.

The Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill, the vender takes it, puts it in his cash register and shuts the door.

The Buddhist says:

- Wait, where's my change?

The vender replies:

- Change must come from within.

Uh...top 10 things not to say to a naked man:

10. Awww...that's cute
11. Well, at least you're good at other things
12. Do you think it'll fit in my old Barbie clothes?
13. My li'l brother has one like that.
14. Are you cold?
15. ::giggles::
16. Maybe we should just be friends
17. Can you make it dance?
18. Umm...maybe you should get dressed
19. Oh...look...its hiding!