Newest jokes

There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages.

One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old.

The 60 yo started complaining. He said:

- I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night.

The 70 year old then said:

- I don't have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, oooze all day and night.

The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said:

- I don't have any of those problems! At 7:00 a.m. I take a good piss, at 9:00 a.m. I take a good shit.

- My only problem is that...

- I don't wake up until noon!

If you're American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
→ European.

How can you tell when a Jewish girl has an orgasm?
→ She drops her nail file.

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said:

- Would you like to say the blessing?

- I wouldn't know what to say - she replied.

- Just say what you hear Mommy say - my wife instructed.

Our daughter bowed her head and said:

- Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner!

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:

- Why is some of your hair white mommy?

The mother replied:

- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:

- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?

What do snowmen have that snowwomen don't?
→ Snowballs!

Women's faults are many, men have only 2: Everything they say and everything they do.

A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk:

- Kiss me and I will turn into a princess.

The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

The frog starts shouting:

- Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours.

The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.

The frog is really frustrated:

- I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask.

The guy says:

- Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?

- Why that's because your from Kentucky son. - The dad responses.

The next day the kid gets home from school:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?

- That's because you're from Kentucky son. - The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door:

- Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?

The dad looks at him and says:

- No that's because you're 22.

A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer... and a mop.