Guest
Phone Books In China
Why are there no phone books in China?
→ Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.
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Guest
The Lonely Beach Girl
A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying.
He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said:
- I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed
So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again. Again, he asks her what is wrong.
She says:
- I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed.
So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says:
- there, now you're screwed!
Guest
Quicksand Bullfighters
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
→ Quattro sinko.
Guest
Crossing A Midget
What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
→ A little fucker about so tall.
Guest
Your Funeral
There were three men sitting on a bench. Man1 asked the other two:
- What do you want your family and friends to say at your funeral?.
Man2 says:
- I guess I'd want them to say I was a nice guy and I took care of my family.
Man3 says:
- I'd want them to say things like that too
Man1 said:
- Really? I'd want them to say... LOOK! HE'S MOVING!.
Guest
The Flashlight
Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
→ Because the batteries died.
Guest
Smart Fish
Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.
→ Because they travel in schools.
Guest
The Boomerang
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
→ A stick!
Patenting A Peach
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says:
- You can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!
And the farmer says:
- Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!
So the patent officer takes a bite, and then:
- Oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like blackberry pie!
And the farmer says:
- Yeah, and do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side.
So the patent officer does and he's like:
- Man! That really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!
So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says:
- Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?
- Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!
- And you like it, right?
- Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy - says the patent officer, starting to get excited.
The farmer says:
- OK, then take a bite, right there
So the patent officer takes this HUGE bite, and then his eyes widen & he spits it out all over the place.
- Oh, Yuck! That tasted like SHIT! - & the farmer says:
- shoot,... I'm sorry, flip it over & try the other side!
Guest
Train and Teacher
What's the difference between a Train and Teacher?
→ A train says, "Chew, Chew!" and a Teacher says, "Spit the gum out!"