Goofy Excuses

Next time you're invited to a boring social event, try one of these excuses to why you can't attend:

I'D LOVE TO BUT......

• I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
• I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
• I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
• I have to fluff my shower cap.
• I have to fulfill my potential.
• I left my body in my other clothes.
• I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
• I'll be looking for a parking space.
• I'm being deported.
• I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
• I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
• I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
• I'm sandblasting my oven.
• I'm taking a crash course in punk totem pole carving.
• I'm worried about my vertical hold.
• I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
• I've got a Friends of the Rutabaga meeting.
• it's too close to the turn of the century.
• my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
• my plot to take over the world is thickening.
• my subconscious says no.
• none of my socks match.
• the grunion are running.
• the last time I went, I never came back.
• the monsters haven't turned blue yet; I have to eat more dots.