Abbott and Costello Meet Windows

- Costello: Hey, Abbott!

- Abbot: Yes, Lou?

- Costello: I just got my first computer.

- Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?

- Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.

- Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.

- Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!

- Abbot: You will in time.

- Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.

- Abbot: Oh?

- Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

- Abbot: Well, I don't know-

- Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

- Abbot: Really?

- Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

- Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do you want to know?

- Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

- Abbot: That's true.

- Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

- Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

- Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

- Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-

- Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

- Abbot: I did.

- Costello: When?

- Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.

- Costello: Why should I press the Start button?

- Abbot: To shut off the computer.

- Costello: I press Start to stop.

- Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

- Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.

- Abbot: Start

- Costello: Start what?

- Abbot: Start button.

- Costello: Start button to do what?

- Abbot: Shut down.

- Costello: You don't have to get rude!

- Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

- Costello: Then say what you mean.

- Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-

- Costello: Don't say, "Start!"

- Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?

- Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

- Abbot: But that's what you do.

- Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

- Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.

- Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.

- Abbot: What are you talking about?

- Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.