Wifespeak

Wifespeak / Translation

- You want: You want

- We need: I want

- It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now

- Do what you want: You'll pay for this later

- We need to talk: I need to complain

- Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.

- I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.

- You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

- You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?

- I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.

- Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.

- This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.

- I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....

- I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

- Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!

- I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.

- Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

- How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.

- I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

- Is my butt fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.

- You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.

- Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]

- Yes: No

- No: No

- Maybe: No

- I'm sorry: You'll be sorry.

- Do you like this recipe?: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

- Was that the baby?: Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

- I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

- All we're going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god, there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

- The same old thing.: Nothing.

- Nothing.: Everything.

- Everything: My PMS is acting up.

- Nothing, really.: It's just that you're such an asshole..

- I don't want to talk about it.: Go away, I'm still building up steam.