Morticians' Pet Peeves

15 Pet Peeves Of Morticians...

• Best make-up artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of Cosmo.
• No moth, no Jodie Foster -- just leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks.
• Only 3 hits this month on the "World O' Coffins" web site.
• Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses.
• Ask any chem prof what happens when you mix embalming fluid and breast implants... WHAMMO!
• Working alone late at night inevitably results in an extreme attack of "the willies."
• Hard to close the lid on Eroto-Asphyxiation victims.
• Embalming fluid bottle looks an awful lot like Colt 45 bottle.
• Toe tag paper cuts.
• The wife keeps asking if you could bring a little more rigor mortis home, if you know what I mean.
• Nobody visits your booth at junior high "Career Days."
• Every time Keith Richards gets mistakenly hauled in, it costs us money.
• At Thanksgiving, no one even TOUCHES your giblet gravy.
• Constant complaints of, "But he looks like Michael Jackson!"

...and the Number 1 Pet Peeve Of Morticians...

Dying in each other's arms may sound romantic, but once rigor mortis sets in, it just means overtime.