How To Write Good

Nowe u two can rite gud!

Howe two rite gud
Frank L. Visco
Vice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.

My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

- Avoid alliteration. Always.

- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

- Employ the vernacular.

- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

- Contractions aren't necessary.

- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

- One should never generalize.

- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

- Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

- Profanity sucks dick.

- Be more or less specific.

- Understatement is always best.

- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

- One-word sentences? Never.

- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

- The passive voice is to be avoided.

- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

- Who needs rhetorical questions?

- Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.

- Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.

- And never start a sentence with a conjunction.