Laws Of Work

- The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.

- If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

- To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.