Age Jokes

- That's an excellent essay for someone your age - said the English teacher.

- How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?

- Welcome to school, Simon - said the nursery school teacher to the new boy.

- How old are you?

- I'm not old - said Simon.

- I'm nearly new.

Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine.

- How old are you, ma'am? - asked Fred.

- I'm not going to tell you that - she replied.

- But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were.

- Oh well - said Miss Jones.

- I'm the same age as both of them.

The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote:
Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills.

- Now remember, boys and girls - said the science teacher.

- you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.

Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table.

- I'm not eating that, Mum! - she said.

- It's five years old.

- Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Fred. When I was your age I ate every one.

- Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma?

- Grandma: Yes, I do.

- Fred: Well, you can have mine.

- How old is your wife?

- Approaching forty.

- From which direction?

An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.

- That's right - said the old man.

- Ninety-nine years old, and I haven't an enemy in the world. They're all dead.

- Well, sir - said the interviewer.

- I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.

The old man looked at the young man closely, and said:

- I can't see why you shouldn't. You look fit and healthy to me!