Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

Top 10 signs Santa doesn't like your kid:

10. Kid's letter to North Pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
11. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
12. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
13. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
14. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a reindeer head in his bed
15. Instead of "naughty" or "nice," Santa has him on the "dork" list
16. Sends him off on one of them Carnival cruises with Kathie Lee
17. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you!"
18. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown"
19. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"