New Year Resolutions for Pets

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.
16. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
17. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
20. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.
21. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.
22. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
23. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!
24. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.
25. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is too much.
26. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.
27. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
    January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
28. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND