Great To Be A Guy

Reasons why it's great to be a guy

- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

- You know stuff about tanks.

- A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

- Monday Night Football.

- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

- You can open all your own jars.

- Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.

- Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

- When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

- A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

- Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

- You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

- Your last name stays put.

- You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

- When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

- You can kill your own food.

- The garage is all yours.

- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

- You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

- You never have to clean the toilet.

- You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

- Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

- The National College Cheerleading Championship

- None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

- You don't have to shave below your neck.

- If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

- Everything on your face stays its original color.

- Chocolate is just another snack.

- You can be president.

- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

- Flowers fix everything.

- You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

- Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

- You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

- Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

- You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

- You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me.

- You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

- You get to jump up and slap stuff.

- One mood, all the time.

- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

- Same work....more pay.

- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

- You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

- You don't mooch off others' desserts.

- The remote is yours and yours alone.

- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

- ESPN's sports center.

- You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

- You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

- Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

- If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

- You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

- Baywatch

- There is always a game on somewhere.