Southern Comments

Guest

Joke

- "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

- "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

- "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."

- "This'll jar your preserves."

- "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

- "Cute as a sack full of puppies."

- "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

- "Gooder than grits."

- "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

- "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

- Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

- A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

- When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

- If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."

- "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."

- A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

- "She's uglier than homemade soap."

- "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"

- "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

- "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

- "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."