Officer Efficiency Reports

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers).

• "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
• "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
• "A room temperature IQ."
• "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
• "A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
• "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
• "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
• "Bright as Alaska in December."
• "One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."
• "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
• "Fell out of the family tree."
• "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
• "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
• "He's so dense, light bends around him."
• "If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
• "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
• "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
• "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
• "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
• "Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."
• "Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."
• "Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."