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Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?
→ They do it right first time.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
→ Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

How does a man keep his youth?
→ By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

What's the best way to kill a man?
→ Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
→ You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
→ So they can find their way back to the house.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
→ Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
→ Because those men already have boyfriends.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
→ Who cares?

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
→ Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men like love at first sight?
→ It saves them a lot of time.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
→ A widow.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
→ Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why do men like smart women?
→ Opposites attract.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
→ Because they're all pigs.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
→ Telling you his real name.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
→ His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What should you give a man who has everything?
→ A woman to show him how to work it.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
→ A power failure.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
→ Trustworthy.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
→ Any place without a drive-up window.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
→ He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How do men exercise on the beach?
→ By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
→ We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.