Women Jokes

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

"So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

Why did God give women legs?
→ So that they wouldn't leave tracks like snails!

A man and a woman were in 2 different cars. The man was going up the mountainside. The woman was going down the mountainside. Then the woman yells out - "Pig!". The man then yells back - "Hoe!" They both continue on, until the man smashes his car into a pig!

How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive?
→ Put a nipple on it.

A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain.

So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse.

On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each.

The brainless man asks why the price differece.

The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

If a man talking dirty to a woman is sexual harassment, what do you call a woman talking dirty to a man?
→ $3.99 a minute!

Why do they name cyclones after women?
→ Because they start off as little blow jobs and end up taking the whole house!

What's the difference between a womens track team and a tribe of pigmee's?
→ The pigmee's are a bunch of cunning runts.

Guy goes to the pharmacy at his wife's request to buy her some tampons. About an hour later he comes home with a bag of cotton balls.

Staring at him in disbelief she asks, "What the HELL...?!?! I asked for TAMPONS, not friggin COTTONBALLS!!"

He says, "Remember when I asked you to pick me up a pack of cigarettes and you came home with a tin of tobacco and told me to roll my own because the cigs were too expensive.....?"