Women Jokes

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
→ The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
→ It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
→ She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
→ It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

'You never get anything right,' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school?'
'Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.'

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

Men are like government bonds.

They take so long to mature.

Men are like bike helmets.

They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like mascara.

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like placemats.

They only show up when there's food on the table.