Travel Jokes

The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. "Do you have something in mind?" she asked.

"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied. "That's why I want a nice gift."

- Friend: Vern, are you going to take your wife Alice on your next cruise?

- Vern: Yes, indeed. I just can't leave her behind alone.

A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the man after helping him with his luggage.

- Anything else?

- NO, thanks.

- Maybe, your wife needs something?

- Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting cards?

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy due to motion sickness.

She make her way to the restroom, only to find it locked.

She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore unaware of what had happened.

When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit.

Turning to him, Mrs. Davis said, "There now, are you feeling better?"!

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!"

The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

A coupla Aggies, Buck and Thurleen, married after graduating from Texas A&M, are driving from Dallas down to a motel in Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Buck reaches over and puts his hand on Thurleen's knee.

Thurleen smiles, blushes and says, "Oh Buck, we're married now, you can go farther than that!"

So he drove on to Laredo.

A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder.

After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration, he sez, "Mr. Smith, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to do that ?"

The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and softly spoke, "Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back."