Travel Jokes

Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.

As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said, "Look at the legs among that group."

"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a chest man myself."

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
→ They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

What is the Australian for foreplay?
→ Brace yourself, Sheila!

And the Welsh?
→ Are you awake, Gwen?

When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room, what's the first thing to hang out?
→ The DO NOT DISTURB sign!

Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker, and he says, "How much?"

She says, "Twenty bucks."

He says, "All right."

They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.

She says, "What's the extra five?"

He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.

"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.

"Only one," replied the groom. "She won't take it up the ass."

A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.

They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.

What's an Australian kiss?
→ The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.

Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.

The official explains, "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."

"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.

A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives.

Without preamble the hooker says, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that's for a hand job."

"$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the man exclaimed. "No hand job in the world could be worth $500!"

The hooker summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can do with my hands."

Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 and sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "God, that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?"

"$2500," the hooker replied.

"$2500 for a blowjob?" cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!"

Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across the street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth."

"Oh no," moans the man, "this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it."

Once again the hooker takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified. As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How much do you get for pussy?"

The hooker drags the man to the window for a third time, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"