Random joke from this category
Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students.
A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. Because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said, "That'll be an additional $150 apiece."
"Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"
There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.
- 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
- 2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
- 1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?
- 3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
- 1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?
- 4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
- 1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
- 4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
But did you know that:
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying tofind it."
Have you all stopped to think where you fit in this equation? From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here??s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Then:H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%But,A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%And,B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%AND, look how far ass kissing will take you:A-S-S??
K-I-S-S-I-N-G1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = a whopping 118%!!!!
So one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close and Attitude willget you there, Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!
After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success.
Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as every engineer knows,
Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.
GROSS PAY: $1222.02
TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02
What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
→ The wrong answer.
