Situations

What did one ghost say to another?
→ I'm sorry, but I just don't believe in people.

- Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room!

- Ghost: Don't worry, ma'am, I'm just passing through.

A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, "I have been walking these corridors for 300 years."

The man said, "In that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?"

Did you hear about the ghost who enjoyed doing housework?
→ He used to go round with the oooo-ver.

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?
→ The landlord said "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."

Which ghost ate too much porridge?
→ Ghouldilocks.

What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert?
→ Dr Spook.

If there were no food left, what could people do?
→ Country people could eat their forest preserves and city people could have their traffic jams.

What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water?
→ Open your watch: drink from the spring, and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there.

A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts.
'Would you like a cherry on the top?' asked the waitress.
'No, thanks,' said the girl, 'I'm on a diet!'