Situations

After wedding a young couple rented a town house in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom, young woman called the manager several times, but nothing happened.

Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness of the problem, said, "My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall through the kitchen."
"Oh, no," the manager quickly replied. "The bathtub falls through the living room."

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

What do you get if you cross a toilet with a pop singer?
→ Loo-Loo!

What do you call an Igloo without a toilet?
→ An Ig!

What do you call a man who cleans out toilets?
→ Lou!

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
→ Because they're both cracked!

- Sharon: I'm so homesick.

- Sheila: But this is your home!

- Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some cardboard boxes.
'Am I too late for the garbage?' she called.
'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in!'

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon me, madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."

"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?"

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like thts" as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

"Oh no, you horrible man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?"

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
→ Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!