Sex Jokes

A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework."

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.

He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."

One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:"How much for a season pass?"

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

Teaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam.

The first man waded out to her and said, "Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?" She replied, "no sir!" So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, "Did you like that?" "Oh, indeed I did, sir!" she replied.

The second man went out to her and asked, "Mermaid, have you ever had your breasts fondled?" "No sir," she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then asked, "How did you like that?" She replied, "It was most pleasurable, sir."

The third fellow approached and asked, "Mermaid, have you ever been fucked?" "No sir," she replied. He said, "Well you have been now--the tide's gone out!"

A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's member and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club. "Hey, baby, would you help me 'raise my mast'?"

"No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your ex and she included a 'small craft' warning."

This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it.

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks, "Whats a failic symbol?"

Doctor says, "You're kidding.."

Girl says, "No! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"

Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says, "You see? This is a failic symbol!"

Girl says, "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"