Science

Once there were four engineers traveling in a car. While they were traveling to their destination the car stalled on them. Then the first engineer who was a mechanical engineer said, "don't worry its probably engine problems. I will just pop open the hood and take a look at the motor".

Then the second engineer, who was an electrical engineer, said, "no, no ,no. It is an electrical problem. Just let me look at the fuse box and I will find the problem".

The third engineer, who was a chemical engineer, said, "its just a problem with the fuel. Flush out all of the gas and replace it with new gas and you will see that the car will be fine."

Then the three engineers looked at the fourth who was a computer engineer. And his response was... "Why don't we just get out of the car, shut all of the doors, and then open them again and get back in and start it!"

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!

VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!)

• 3% Vitamin E
• 2% aspirin
• 2% ibuprofen
• 1% Vitamin C

...and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...92% Fix-A-Flat!

What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
→ "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."

What does NASA stand for?
→ Need Another Seven Astronauts
→ Need Another Shuttle Also

Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
→ They didn't know it was going to blow up.

Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
→ Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.

On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
→ So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.

How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
→ Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.

As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?" "You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.

"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.

"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette!"

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a &^^%@)&!".

Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb %@(&+! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent $3%$##+=!".

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."

The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!". The attending scientists nodded in agreement.

"Well!" retorted the police chief.

He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for...

"Making an obscene clone fall..."

You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day.

He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.

Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less.

After all... torque is cheap.

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world.

Well the first guy says, "I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of sound."

Well the second guy says, "Well I think I got you beat on that one! I think lightning is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of light and sound."

Well the third guy says, "Well I believe i have both of you beat. The brain is the fastest thing in the world, because whenever you need something, it is right there for you."

Well the fourth guys clearly states, "Well I have got you all beat! I think the anal sphincter muscle is the fastest thing in the world." The other three guys say really? Why's that?

And the fourth guys says, "Well I was on a Concord Jet, it got struck by lightning, and I didn't know what to do ... so I shit my pants!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip.

The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."

The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."

The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"

The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"

The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!"

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."

Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: "Will it take ME?"

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10. Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
11. Is lighter fluid flammable?
12. What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
13. Are knives sharp?
14. Can sharks hurt a human?
15. What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
16. Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
17. Can I go through a brick wall?
18. Can dogs talk?
19. Are blondes really dumb?

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.

He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"