School

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
→ Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?
→ I'm sorry to leave, now that I've almost bought the place.

- Teacher: I'd like a room, please.

- Hotel Receptionist: Single, Sir?

- Teacher: Yes, but I am engaged.

- Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind.

- Betty, muttering: If you're anything to go by, that's not all it broadens!

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
→ The alphabat.

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"

'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy.
'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.'

Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"

After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

The teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation.

Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie."

Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter."

Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician." But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else.

She then turned to Johnny. "My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonna spell electrician."

- Teacher: R-O-X does spell rocks?

- Pupil: What does it spell then!