Police Jokes

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm?
→ He has a flashing light.

"I'll have to report you, sir," said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. "You were doing 85 miles an hour."

"Nonsense, officer," declared the driver. "I've only been in the car for ten minutes."

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?
→ A fair cop.

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?
→ A fair cop.

What did the police officer say to his stomach?
→ I've got you under a vest.

- Police officer: And what do you think you are doing on this road, Dracula?

- Dracula: Looking for the main artery, officer.

The police are looking for a thief with one eye.
→ Why don't they use two?

- Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident?

- Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, 'Stop? Look? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

"Now as I understand it, Sir," said the police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this vehicle when the accident occurred. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I'm afraid not, officer," replied the motorist. "I had my eyes shut!"

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets:

Each for not wearing a seat belt!