Police Jokes

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down.

- Geez, are you lucky.

- What do you mean by lucky? I got hurt really bad.

- Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.

Why did the robber take a bath?
→ So he could make a clean getaway.

What criminal doesn't take baths?
→ A dirty crook.

Why did the bank robber take a bath?
→ So he could make a clean getaway.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

LAPD Barbie ...comes with two nightsticks, in case one gets broken subduing a suspect. Taser also available.

What happened when the barman died?
→ The police held an inn-quest

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk.

"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it."

"So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk.

"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.

"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was.

"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked. The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.

"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, will you shut up!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.

When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.

When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.

The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'