Mom/Dad Jokes

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"

"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"

- Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?

- Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!

A little girl asks her father, "Where do little girls come from?"

The father says, "They come from a hard-on."

The little girl then asks her father, "Where does a hard-on come from?"

The father says, "Little girls!"

A young girl is speaking with her father.

- Daddy, what's that between your legs?

- That's my hedgehog.

- Wow, it's got a massive cock.

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

What did the boy with a long tongue and big lips say to his mom as he was masturbating?
→ "Look Ma, no hands!"

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said, "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."

- I don't think you need the Pill at your age.

- It relaxes me.

- But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing.

"I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed."

A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.

It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says...

"Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?"

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks...

"When your mommy goes to the mall!"

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"

No.

The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"

No.

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer, "Hello, my name is Chuck."

The farmer shot Chuck.