Miscellaneous

How do you tell two KKK members apart?

Ask their wife. After all, she's their mother....

Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstickand a magician's wand?

A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his mother asking him to send her a current photoof himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to lether know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts aphoto in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send apicture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picturein half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of thephoto. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent thewrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother'seyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weekslater he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...itmakes your nose look short!"

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituaryfor her recently deceased husband is published. After the editorinforms her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, shepauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Browndied'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts onher fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-upfor sale'."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"

Sent by Sarah