Men Jokes

This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."

The friend asks, "How so?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week.

"Can I see it?" asked the second gay homosexual, so he promptly dropped his pants to show off his cock.

"Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"

Why do gay men have moustaches?
→ To hide the stretchmarks.

A long time resident of San Francisco is packing allhis stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & askswhat he's doing. "I'm leaving !" he replies. "They justmade homosexuality legal."

"So why leave now ?" queries his roomie. "Gays havebeen part of the scene here for years and years."

"Yeah, I know." he replied. "I'm getting the hell outof here before the damn fools make it compulsory."

More gay banter...

Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they starteddiscussing them.

The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owneda factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave hisbest friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well.

He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too.

He was a manager at a bank.

Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.

The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much.

But he must be doing something right because,just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."

Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."

Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?"

Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK."

He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.

"Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.

"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..."

"CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.

He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss".

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes".

She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.

As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.

Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".

"No" she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."

- Black Employee: I'm a protected minority.

- Female Employee: And I'm a woman.

- Oldest Employee: Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin.

To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him brag about the screwing part!

Why do men take showers instead of baths?
→ Pissing in the bath is disgusting.