Men Jokes

Dating hints for gentlemen

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...

• I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
• I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
• I used to come here all the time with my ex.
• Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
• I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
• It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

Reasons computers must be male

• They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
• A better model is always just around the corner.
• They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
• It is always necessary to have a backup.
• They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
• The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
• The lights are on but nobody's home.

How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
→ We cook/they eat, we clean/they dirty, we iron/they wrinkle!

What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
→ Put the remote between his toes.

How do men exercise at the beach?
→ By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

What does a man consider a seven course meal?
→ A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

What did God say after he created man?
→ I can do better than this!

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
→ E.T. phoned home!

What's a man's idea of housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

How are men and parking spots alike?
→ The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.