Men Jokes

Why do men masturbate?
→ It's sex with someone they love.

What's so bad about being a dick?
→ Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
→ Sexual harassment.

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger.
The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and made it cry like a baby."

The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands."

The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road.

As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, "Pig!"

The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, "Moron!"

They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

- Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world

- What was I wearing?

- Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance?

- Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.

- Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly?

- Boyfriend: Of course I do!