Random joke from this category
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife:
- I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.
His wife looked at him calmly and said:
- Why do you think I gave you the poison?
An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.
- Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!
- And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you - said the husband.
- Yes, several - the wife replied.
- Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed.
- I did!
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him:
- If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder.
During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jello at his wife.
She had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon!
As a couple sat in the living room, watching TV, the phone rang.
The husband picked it up, listened for a moment and then screamed:
- Damn it! How should I know? Call the weather bureau! - and hung up.
- What was that all about? - wife asked.
- Awww, some idiot wanted to know whether the coast was clear!
A doctor rushed out of his study room.
- Get me my bag! - he shouted.
- Why, what's the matter? - inquired his pretty young wife.
- Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me - he gasped as he reached for his hat.
The young wife sighed.
- Just a moment - she said gently.
- I think that call was for me.
What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex?
→ Call her/him on the telephone!
- Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?
- Well, I suppose so.
- Would you and he sleep in the same bed?
- I guess we would.
- Would you make love to him?
- He would be my husband then, dear.
- Would you give him my golf clubs?
- No...
He's left handed.
There are four kinds of sex involved in a marriage.
The first is Smurf Sex... This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex... This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex... You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex... This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say:
- Fuck you!
There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex... This is when you get divorced and your wife fucks you in front of everyone in court!
