Language Jokes

So the bus driver said to the string, "Are you a string?" and the string said, "No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed knot).

What's black, white and read all over?
→ A newspaper.

What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey?
→ A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.

What do you call a bell wearing a tutu?
→ A bellerina!

What is the most breathless thing on television?
→ The Pink Panter Show!

What do you use to cut the ocean?
→ A seasaw

There once was a German schoolteacher. She went to England to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted to use the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a messenger boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse read:
The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she was not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at one time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so instead soft, plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best seat where EVERYONE can see you!

How is a bell obedient?
→ It sounds off only when it is told (tolled).

How much is 5Q and 5Q?
→ 10Q. "You're welcome."

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
→ They both have 'the' as their middle names!