Language Jokes

- Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?

- Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a ..."

The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor."
"Sorry," said the MC. "That's incorrect."
"Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.
"Wrong," said the host.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.
"That's correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm."

The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:

"E-I-E-I-O."

Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his father's mother.

On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun.

"The phone connection's bad," said the secretary. "I couldn't catch that last word. Spell it."

The governor replied, "'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion; 'N' like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"

- Daughter: I will never learn to spell.

- Mother: Why?

- Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

What's long, green and goes hith?
→ A snake with a lisp!

Why did the viper, viper nose?
→ Because the adder, adder hankerchief!

What song to snakes like to sing?
→ Viva Aspana!

- Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved.

- Pupil: Thank you

- Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though!