Elderly

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?

Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,"Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that.

Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy & Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing."

An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions.

"Yes," says the Doctor, "I would advise you to take in a boarder."

A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.

The Doctor remarks: "so you took my advise and took in a boarder?"

"Yes I did, is the reply, and she's pregnant also....."

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into thenurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.

Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to playalong with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.

Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing homewith his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said,"Mr.

Smith I thought you told me your penis died".

"It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told her to go fuck herself. Sincerely, Edna Johnston"

"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming overto the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.

"I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat down and wept too.

What's the best thing about turning 65?

No more calls from insurance salesmen.