Doctor Jokes

An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions.

"Yes," says the Doctor, "I would advise you to take in a boarder."

A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.

The Doctor remarks: "so you took my advise and took in a boarder?"

"Yes I did, is the reply, and she's pregnant also....."

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"

"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.

After his examination, his doctor was amazed.

- Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!

- Did I say I was 64?

- Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?

- Damn straight you did! I'm 85!

- 85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were 25! How old was your father when he died?

- Did I say he was dead?

- You mean...

- Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!

- My Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?

- Did I say he was dead?

- No! You can't mean...

- Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!

- 126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!

- Did I say he 'wanted' to get married?...

The doctor said to the housewife, "I've got good news and I've got bad news.

"The good news is you don't have PMS.

"The bad news is - you're a bitch!"

Why is psycho-analysis so much easier for men rather than women?
→ Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men are already there.

A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.

He says, "You have acute vaginitis."

She says "Thank you."

Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her.

"To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."

"I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace the batteries?"

"Doctor, doctor!" shouted the woman coming into the doctors office. "I think I'm turning into a man."

Then the doctor says, "Now hold on little lady, what makes you think that you're turning into a man?"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm starting to grow hair on my chest."

And then the doctor asked, "Well then, how far down your chest is your hair growing?"

And then she replied, "All the way down to my dick."

- Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.

- When did you first notice this problem?

- What problem?

A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.

"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

"Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

The officer let him go without even a warning.