Doctor Jokes

- Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

- Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

- John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

- Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

- Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

- Doctor: Next!

- Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

- Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

- Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

- Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

- Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

- Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

- Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.